He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
