I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
