i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
