sarcasm needs its own font
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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