why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
