I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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