I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
