shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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