just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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