got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
