You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
