All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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