I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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