so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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