There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
