I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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