Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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