he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
