is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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