Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
