You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
