you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
40s are totally the cure
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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