no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
