I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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