No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
