Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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