Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
