found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
