I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
