Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
