I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
