I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
