The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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