i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
