I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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