Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
