Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
