Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
