Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just invented taco cereal.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
