Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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