Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
