So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
