Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
