that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
