I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
