I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I AM VODKA MAN
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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