No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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