Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
