No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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