If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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