Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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