Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize