Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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