Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
